Hitting bottom

Intervention Success - Families saving their families

  

Check out my new website - www.interventionsuccess.org

The Laudnry List - 14 Traits of the Adult Child of Alcoholics

The Laundry List

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978

Honesty

CDC Examines Heroin Epidemic

Why I became an Interventionist

List of Treatment Centers - Which one is right for my loved one?

There are thousands of addiction rehabs and treatment centers in the United States.  Trying to decide which one is right for you or your family member is overwhelming.  It is critical that the center you select is the most effective for you.  I recommend asking the following:

1. Find out how many 1:1 counseling sessions are provided each week - a minimum of two should be given.
2. Find out the client - counselor ratio.
3. What is the treatment philosophy?
4. What kind of clients are there?
5. Is the place age appropriate?
6. What makes this place different from the others?

Here is a list of some of the programs that I have either worked with or know.  It is NOT a recommended treatment centers.  For that list, see my website at www.interventionsuccess.org.  Here are the centers that offer a wide range of services and modalities:

Access Recovery Solutions
Delray Beach, Florida
www.arsdelray.com
561-865-2550

Alina Lodge
Blairstown, New Jersey
www.alinalodge.org
800-575-6343

Algamus Gambling
Prescott, Arizona
www.algamus.org
888-669-2437

Authentic Recovery Centers
Los Angeles, California
www.arctreatment.com
310-474-2100

Beachcomber
Delray Beach, Florida
www.thebeachcomber.cc
561-734-1818

Bella Monte Recovery Center
Desert Hot Springs, California
www.bellamonterecovery.com
800-974-1938

Breathe  Life Healing Centers
Los Angeles, California
New York, New York
www.breathelhc.org

Central Recovery – Las Vegas Recovery Center
Pain Management
www.lasvegasrecovery.com
800-790-0091 

The Core Centers
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
www.thecorecenters.com
754-200-8050

Cornerstone Recovery Center
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
www.cornerstonerecoverycenter.com
888-711-0354

Cottonwood Tucson
Tucson, Arizona
www.cottonwoodtucson.com
800-877-4520
                Sweetwater – Teen Girls’ program
                Cottonwood – Co-ed Adult program
 
Creative Care
Malibu, California
www.creativecareinc.com
800-832-3280

DARA Thailand
Koh Chang, Thailand
www.dararehab.com

Dream Center for Recovery
Palm City, Florida
www.dreamcenterforrecovery.com
800-761-0327

Elements Behavioral Health
Numerous Locations
www.elementsfamily.com

English Mountain Recovery
Sevierville, Tennessee
www.emrecovery.com
877-459-8595
 
Evolve Mental Health
Delray Beach, Florida
www.evolvementalhealth.com
866-285-9724

FAU – Life of Purpose Treatment
Boca Raton, Florida
www.lifeofpurposetreatment.com
561-447-8990
 
Florida Center for Recovery
Fort Pierce, Florida
www.mycenterforrecovery.com
800-851-3291

Florida Coast Recovery
Sunrise, Florida
www.floridacoastrecovery.com
855-80-REHAB

Footprints Beachside Recovery
Treasure Island, Florida
www.footprintsbeachside.com
877-954-3908

Gracious Care Recovery Solutions
Deerfield Beach, Florida
www.graciouscarerecovery.com
954-422-1949

The Healing Place
Louisville, Kentucky
www.thehealingplace.org
502-585-4848

HOGAR CREA - Spanish Speaking
Orlando, Florida
www.hogarcreaflorida.com
407-240-6464

The HOPE Center
Boynton Beach, Florida
www.hopecenterrehab.org
561-935-4101

LifeSkills South Florida
Deerfield Beach, Florida
www.lifeskillssouthflorida.com
954-834-5099

Lucida Recovery Center
Lantana, Florida
www.lucidatreatment.com
561-337-2600

The Orchid – Women’s Program
Palm Springs, Florida
www.orchidrecoverycenter.com
561-433-2336

Ocean Addiction Recovery Services
Vero Beach, Florida
www.oceanaddictionrecovery.com
772-257-5995 

Ocean Recovery
Newport Beach, California
www.oceanrecovery.com
949-723-2388

Pathway to Hope
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
www.pathwaytohope.net
877-252-9544

Promises
Malibu, California
www.promises.com
866-390-2340

The Recovery Place – Christian Program
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
www.therecoveryplace.com
866-463-5496

The Recovery Team
North Palm Beach, Florida
www.recoveryteam.org
561-882-9821

Recovery Unplugged Treatment Center
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
www.recoveryunplugged.com
800-55-REHAB

The Recovery Village
Umatilla, Florida
www.therecoveryvillage.com
877-977-7153

Red Oak Recovery Center
Leicester, North Carolina
www.redoakrecovery.com
828-318-0148

The Refuge
Ocklawaha, Florida
www.therefuge-ahealingplace.com
866-473-3843

Sea Of Solutions Recovery
Tampa Bay, Florida
www.lawyertreatment.org
855-771-3664
Serenity Now
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
www.serenityrecovery.com
561-802-4211

Sovereign Health Group
California – Florida
www.sovcal.com
866-819-2948

Stepping Up Recovery, LLC
Palm Springs, Florida
www.suriop.com
844-8SURIOP

Darryl Strawberry Recovery Center
St. Cloud, Florida
www.strawberrycenter.com
855-973-7333

Shades of Hope – Eating Disorder
Buffalo Gap, Texas
www.shadesofhope.com
800-588-HOPE
 
Tranquil Shores Recovery
Madeira Beach, Florida
www.tranquilshores.org
877-566-11666

Two Dreams
Chicago, IL – Outer Banks, NC
www.twodreams.com
708-613-4750
 
UF Florida Recovery Center
Gainesville, Florida
www.floridarecoverycenter.UFHealth.org
855-265-4372

University Hospital Center for Behavioral Health
Tamarac, Florida
www.uhmchealth.com
954-721-2200

Vincere Recovery Centers
The Netherlands – South Africa
www.vincere-huguenot.com

White River Academy – Teen Program
Delta, Utah
www.whiteriveracademy.com
866-485-2720

Willow Place – Women’s Program
Ashville, NC – West Palm Beach, FL
www.willowplaceforwomen.com
561-623-0142

Sunday - June 21, 2015, Summer Solstice - Father's Day - International Day of Yoga

 

June 15 - National Smile Power Day

Today is National Smile Power Day.  Why is a smile so important? 

1. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile.
2. Smiling is a gift to others - it is contagious.
3. Smiling can actually elevate your mood and change your attitude.
4. Smiling can actually reduce your blood pressure.
5. Smiling can actually boost your immune system.
6. Smiling can actually make you more attractive to others.

 



What good is a smile?  Why is a smile so important

June 10, 1935 - Founder's Day - Alcoholics Anonymous

People have a love-hate relationship with Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA") but the fact remains that this odd, loosely organized fellowship has saved millions of lives and it was founded 80 years ago today.  I have my own ambivalence about AA but it works, it really does.  It is full of crazy, messed-up people, but it is also full of true heroes and people whose lives are true miracles.  Plus, some of those crazy, messed-up ones have the most profound wisdom and are living lives beyond their wildest dreams.  I guess I can confess - I love AA.

I am not speaking or writing on behalf of AA because the traditions state that all members must remain anonymous at the level of press, radio, film and now internet.  I will say that it is an amazing thing to see people broken and despondent arrive at AA and within a few months their lives are much, much better and they are happy. 

National Running Day

The Secret to Intervnetion Success

In over 100 interventions, I have never had any easy interventions.  They have all had their own difficulties.  The most difficult interventions are the ones that are thrown together in an emergency situation and all the facts are not known.  Also, there are times when the Afflicted Loved One is suffering from some kind of mental illness that goes beyond the irrationality off addictive thinking - some kind of psychosis, often drug or alcohol induced, or the Afflicted Loved One suffers from a personality disorder, such as a borderline, narcissistic or histrionic personality disorder. These tend to be the most difficult.

The one thing that has helped me the most is to not give up before the client agrees to get help.  It may take hours, days or weeks, but as long as I keep going, the Afflicted Loved One will likely relent before me. The secret is to not give up caring, not give up trying, not give up showing the way out.

Never Give Up Just Before the Miracle Happens

Never Give Up Just Before the Miracle Happens  

To give you the story of my life, I must start by awakening your fear.   Because fear is where I lived – and almost died. Fear is what I fled from, and finally it became the impetus for change and courage, sobriety and serenity.

That is my whole story.

To share it with you, I would try to recreate a moment when you were truly, deeply afraid so that you could remember how the fear felt – the electric anxiety, the breathless sense of catastrophe coming, the pursuit by someone who would reveal you as an imposter, the leaden sense of doom.  I would have you recall an instant when you could taste the dry musk of your own fear.

I drank quiet that fear, to escape that thirst. I drank, and drank, and drank.

And for a while, I thought it helped. When I needed courage, alcohol gave me confidence; when I needed to be sociable, it offered me ease and charm. When I craved relaxation, it subdued me and delivered a stupor that seemed enough like peace to satisfy me, temporarily.

Until I needed to drink again.

And then, one day, the drinking robbed me of everything – my job, my intimacy, my freedom, my achievements, my joy.  I did not know how fearful I could be, until alcohol made my life almost too frightening to live.  Viewed from the outside, I had a life that should have been, and at times was, an existence to envy.  I grew up in an upper middle class family – loving, supportive, ambitious and no more dysfunctional than most families – but I never felt that I really belonged, at home, at school, in the social circles in which my parents moved.   I remember feeling different from a very young age, and as early as kindergarten or first grade, I had convinced myself that I was on my own and needed to figure out the rules of this world.  I was an artistic kid but a terrible team athlete.  I loved sailing, water-skiing and swimming but could not play baseball, basketball or football to save my life.

I had dreams and passions that seemed always to get stifled for reasons I did not understand.  I was restless and dissatisfied with my life and felt I had to prove my worth to my family, my school, my community, my country and even to be an acceptable part of the world.  But being such a harsh critic of myself and having such unrealistic, perfectionistic goals were not the only pressures I faced.  By the time I graduated from high school, I had gone to 10 schools in 12 years, because my family moved so often as my father pursued his career. School changed almost yearly, leaving me to fend for myself for a sense of continuity and consistency. 

When I was in seventh grade, an incident occurred that prompted a major change in me.  I was in gym class, and we had been told to run eight laps around the track. By the time the other boys had completed the eight laps, I had finished only seven. It seemed pointless and humiliating for me to keep everyone waiting while I ran the 8^th lap, so I lied and told the coach that I had finished.  All the other guys immediately admonished me and condemned me. They called me a liar and a cheat – and I was.

That happened on a Friday. The following Monday, rather than confront the fear of facing my classmates, I pretended to be sick – and stayed home all week – hoping that they would all forget me and I would not have to face the consequences of what I had done. While I stayed home, I berated myself for being a disgrace and performing so unsuccessfully in my day to day living.

As an escape, I watched movies and retreated into fantasy. I dreamed I was like James Bond, leading a life of adventure and intrigue all over the world. The “fantasy me” knew the major cities of the world intimately and spoke several languages, and to keep the portrait alive, the “real me” memorized the maps of the capitals of Europe, Africa, Asia and South America. The “real me” studied the histories and the cultures of the world, learned to speak several languages and, as I got older, did everything possible to travel around the world – going to places in reality and, if not, then through movies, books and pen pals.

As a teenager, I resolved that I was going to become as close to the “fantasy me” as I could.  For the next six years of junior high school and high school, I “coped” with real challenges by escaping to my fantasy world whenever I felt frightened, unsatisfied or trapped.  When I started college, I was panic- stricken that I would not succeed and would never be worthy of anything.  However, during the next four years I was the Chief Justice of the Student Court, an honor student, involved in everything and, I thought, very happy.  After my freshman year, I realized that I had not had to retreat to my fantasy life because once I was away from my family and in college, I felt free to become my true self. I sought earnestly to study, work hard and do anything that would prepare me to become the man I had dreamed I could be. I graduated summa cum laude, gave the commencement address at my graduation and seemed on top of the world with a bright future. Notably, I had not started drinking heavily or frequently; I was meeting life on its own terms.

I took a year off between college and law school to study and teach English in Japan.  Once I got to Japan, however, I again was gripped with fear that I would be a failure; that I would not succeed – though I did not even really know what success would look like or be. I doubted myself and felt that I would never amount to anything.  It was there, in Japan, that I drank – a lot – in part to fit in with the habits of those around me.   After my year in Japan, I arrived at the University of Florida on a Sunday and started law school on a Monday.   Apart from a great culture shock, I experienced the now-usual panic of facing a new challenge, sparking familiar feeling of being a loser again, a failure and unworthy of contributing anything good.

Even so, I was accepted to clerk with a Japanese American law firm in Chicago.  I lived with my grandparents, and there I truly discovered the magic of alcohol.  Every day after work, I would come home and have cocktails with my grandparents.  My grandfather was a prominent lawyer in Chicago, Harvard-educated and a hero to me.  I would drink Scotch with him, talk about the law and enjoy the feeling of having finally arrived.  When I went back to law school, I stopped the daily drinking, but I sensed that alcohol had an unnatural power over me.

Still, I kept up an almost impossible pace in school.  I taught legal research and writing; I was elected to a national office as the Treasurer of the Association of International Law Societies, and I served as the Editor in Chief of the Florida International Law Journal. I also worked as the graduate intern in the International Student Center.  My longtime dreams all seemed within reach. I had wanted to become a successful international lawyer, and at the end of law school, I was hired by an international corporate firm in Chicago, earning one of the highest starting salaries in my class.

Once again, the familiar doubts and fear reappeared, despite my bringing in new clients, representing Japanese businesses and international companies in matters far above my skill and experience level.  Rather than take things on moderately, I learned to fake expertise well.  Key to my strategy was to drink heavily to manage self-doubt but carefully so as not to arouse concern among clients or colleagues.

However, I knew deep inside that I did not drink like normal people.  I often liked to drink alone and finally decided to try Alcoholics Anonymous.  That experience taught me that terrible things happened to alcoholics, and I concluded it was better not to associate with them or I would end up like them.  This particular form of denial went on for a few more years, and though it freed me to drink, it condemned me to isolation from a community that could have supported me, if I had been ready to face my alcoholism.

Beginning in 1988, I practiced law in Chicago for about 14 years, specializing mostly in business and corporate law but also handling a substantial amount of international law, real estate and immigration law.  I was a very competent lawyer during that time, but I was also an adept drinker, consuming scotch whiskey daily in the early years and switching to vodka and rum later.  By 2000, my drinking was affecting my work and my relationships, actually everything.  Alcohol had taken over my life, and I had to hide this from everyone.  I lied to my partner, I lied to my family, and I lied to my law partners and clients.  Soon I was lying about my work and started to falsify documents to match my lies.  In 2002, my deceit was uncovered and I was fired from my firm.

I spend the next year and a half drinking, trying to work as an investment banker and going in and out of detox and treatment.  I went to a 28 day treatment program in Chicago and felt good for the first time in years.  It was recommended that I go to a halfway house, but I was not willing to listen to the wisdom of others.  Overblown ego and arrogance are the hallmarks of good lawyers, but that was all I had left. I wanted to go home.  After leaving treatment and seeing the wreckage of my life, there seemed to be only one way to cope with it – keep drinking.  I was drunk again three days after treatment. I was sent back again for a week and then went to a halfway house, where I lasted two days and was kicked out for drinking. I simply was hopeless – my life seemed lost forever.

Finally, I was sent to treatment in St. Pete Beach, Florida, not far from where I had gone to college; there I got sober. I was in treatment 71 days and then began working at the treatment center. I concentrated on my recovery and had a good sponsor. We did a fourth and fifth step together on a cloudy day on the beach and were both crying in the end.  He said, “No wonder you could not stop drinking … but you never have to drink again.”

I said, “I may have to go to prison.”

He replied, “Then you will go sober.”

Suddenly the sun came out, and we both sat in marvel at the timing as rays of sunshine burst through the clouds.

Getting sober was not easy for me, as it has not been with most people – ego, fear, doubt, delusion and denial have been the hallmarks of my resistance to surrender.  But the very first thing that ever stuck in my mind and kept me from giving up completely was a phrase that my aunt, a recovering prescription drug addict, had told me back on Labor Day weekend in 1995: “Never Give Up Just Before the Miracle Happens.”

Years later, I heard an AA member comment that a priest told him that “Miracles in AA are commonplace! Commonplace!” So I have prayed for miracles, and I have remembered that for me “Life is a miracle.”

I wish I could say I lived happily ever after, but my story is real life, and alcoholism is a subtle, cunning foe that would have me dead.  After working in treatment for a year and a half, several difficult things happened, and I once again found myself hopeless and alone. I don’t remember the details, but I drove myself to the beach and started drinking in my car. I passed out and was awakened by the police and arrested for DUI.  (Until then, a DUI was the only thing that had not happened to me as a result of my drinking.)  Even so, the treatment center I was working for wanted to keep me on staff and sent me to its center in Laguna Beach, California. I sobered up.  Again.

The last weekend of April 2006, I attended an AA convention called “Miracles Happen.” I was profoundly moved by it and prayed for a miracle.  About 20 minutes later, I received a call on my cell phone from an old law partner in Chicago.  The Chicago Tribune had an article in it that I had been indicted for document fraud. I flew to Chicago and pled not guilty.  Once again, I was so full of fear and doubt – I was hopeless.  I drank on a rampage and was near death several times. I was facing years in federal prison.

Finally, I did what so many of us do.  I crawled out of bed shaking, in pain and begged, begged God to help me.  I always believed in God, but I never believed He cared if I drank.  I promised I would do anything as long as I could be shown it was worth it, in other words, as long as there was hope.  I learned that night that hope does not abandon us, we abandon it. I woke up the next day feeling much better than I anticipated and had surrendered to my fate.  For the first time, trusting in whatever outcome would come and still hoping for the miracle that I had prayed for.  I wanted the miracle to be that I was miraculously exonerated.

God had other plans.

I was sentenced to 24 months in federal prison.  I felt that God was with me and though I still hated the idea of prison, I felt hope for the first time. It was a hope borne out of nothing but being sober and believing that a power greater than me could restore me to sanity. I arrived at the Pensacola federal prison camp, was strip-searched, had everything taken away and was put into the population.

Every morning I would wake up at 5:00 a.m. and go out to the weight pile to lift weights.  Every morning I prayed that I would get a miracle that would allow me to escape my circumstances, but after about two weeks, I just prayed for a sign that God was still with me.  That evening, I was told that I had been accepted to the Drug and Alcohol Program which would get me out in nine months.

Now, this is hard to say, but after praying for weeks and weeks for the answer to the question, “Why, why did I have to go through all this?”, the answer that came to me was that I needed to spend some time in the worst and most unimaginable place to know that God will always be with me and will always protect me in all times until the moment I am taken from this life.  Now, I don’t know how that came into my heart and mind, but from that moment, I totally surrendered to who I was, and to where I was, and from that moment, I have been trying to be the best that I can be.  I realized that when I surrendered to who I really was, I became the person I always wanted to be.

In undergraduate school I had been selected by the graduating class to give the closing speech at graduation.  That was in 1984. In 2008, I was again chosen by the graduating class of another educational institution to give the closing speech at graduation – but this one was in a federal prison camp. When my group finished the Drug and Alcohol Program and I spoke before the other 90 inmates and 25 staff, it meant more to me than the speech I had given at my college graduation 24 years earlier.

Since then, I have been asked to come back to organize AA and NA meetings at the federal halfway house and lead a group every Monday night. I have worked at a law firm, stayed active in AA with my sponsor, have sponsored others and helped out in various service positions. I started running and have run several marathons, over 50 half marathons, 30 5K, 10k, and 15k races, and numerous Olympic distance triathlons – all this from a man who as a boy had lied to cover up his less-than-perfect ability to run.

Ever since I first become sober, I had wondered why it took so long for me, how I could prevent others from going through what I put myself through, and how to provide better, more effective treatment.  In 2011, I started Absolute Adventure Radical Recovery for Interventions and Addictions treatment with virtually no money. I became certified in Florida as an Addiction Specialist and became a board-registered Interventionist.

When I returned to freedom I believed that I could make a difference and began doing interventions all over the USA.  No one yet has thought of an excuse that I did not use at one point or another not to get sober.  Over 100 interventions from 16 year old crystal meth addicts to 78 year old alcoholics to 44 year old prescription pill addicts, I have not lost an intervention yet.

My belief in better things to come will never die.  I remember each day that some of the best days in my life and the lives of other have not happened yet.  Also, some of the worst days turn out to become of the best days in hindsight.  It is never too late for a new dream or a new plan.  

Today, life can be difficult, but I always have hope – and the sure promise of a sober and serene tomorrow, as long as I have a program to work with faith and discipline. No challenge is too great, no fear too overwhelming. I believe, truly believe, the first thing I ever heard in recovery – “Don’t give up just before the miracle happens.”

What is an Interventionist?

What is an Interventionist? The interventionist is the individual who helps identify the appropriate people in the addict’s life who will become an influential part of a recovery team. The team will enable their individual and family to accept treatment and recovery. The interventionist supports, educates, and provides guidance, direction and training, as well as the facilitation of the intervention and aftercare. All members of AIS are Certified Intervention Professionals. We believe that this credential is key in identifying an individual with a high level of training, education, supervised experience and ethics.

An interventionist is a helpful tool for individual, family members, colleague or friend who is resistant to addressing his or her problem. When people are initially resistant and then enter treatment due to an intervention and therapeutic relationship with an interventionist, they and their network do very well due to the support, networking, collaboration and aftercare.

Primary Objectives – One of the objectives of an interventionist is to assist the family and support members confront a person in a non-threatening way and to allow them to see how self-destructive behavior, and how it affects themselves, family and friends. It usually involves several people who have prepared themselves to talk to a person who has been engaging in some sort of self-destructive behavior. In a clear and respectful way, they inform the person of factual information regarding his or her behavior and how it may have affected them. The immediate objective of an interventionist is for the person bent on self-destruction to listen and to accept help from all who care.

It can be challenging to help a loved one struggling with alcoholism, drug problems, eating disorders, prescription drug abuse, compulsive gambling or other destructive behavior. Sometimes a direct, heart-to-heart conversation with the guidance of an interventionist can start the road to recovery. At other times there may be need a more focused approach. Joining forces with others and taking action with an interventionist in a formal intervention process is a necessity. Those who struggle with addictive behaviors and their family/friends are often in denial about their situation and are unwilling to seek treatment. An intervention and interventionist presents all involved a structured supported opportunity to make changes before things get even worse. A professional interventionist is able to plan an intervention that is a planned process involving family and friends and sometimes colleagues, clergy members or others who care about a person struggling with addiction so they become an integral part of the recovery process.

What an Interventionist is not?  We work to meet a client where they are in the process of change to explore the relationship between themselves, their world, and their addiction-related issues. In working closely with people suffering with addiction, we have witnessed countless failed attempts to intervene on someone struggling with addiction. An interventionist is not a moral policeman, a punisher, a judge, or even an advocate.  An interventionist uses an evidence-based approach to enhancing the probability of a successful intervention.   Many misconceptions have developed over what interventions achieve and how they work.

When you engage a Professional Interventionist, the Intervention is:

• Not coercive.
• Not shame-based.
• Not hurtful or angry.
• It is not an ambush or an uncaring attack.
• It is a planned interaction between an individual and a group whose sole purpose is to modify the individual’s dependence on a harmful substance or practice.
• It is a process of invitation, education and preparing family and friends who make the commitment to initiate change in a loved one’s or coworker’s life.
• The goal is to return to healthy, productive living for addicts and their families.
• The truth is that Intervention is a process founded on love and honesty.

Native Americans and Heroin Epidemic

Many Native American communities struggle with effects of heroin use

Heroin from Mexico to Small Town USA

My Story

Never Give Up Just Before the Miracle Happens  

To give you the story of my life, I must start by awakening your fear.   Because fear is where I lived – and almost died. Fear is what I fled from, and finally it became the impetus for change and courage, sobriety and serenity.

That is my whole story.

To share it with you, I would try to recreate a moment when you were truly, deeply afraid so that you could remember how the fear felt – the electric anxiety, the breathless sense of catastrophe coming, the pursuit by someone who would reveal you as an imposter, the leaden sense of doom.  I would have you recall an instant when you could taste the dry musk of your own fear.

I drank quiet that fear, to escape that thirst. I drank, and drank, and drank.

And for a while, I thought it helped. When I needed courage, alcohol gave me confidence; when I needed to be sociable, it offered me ease and charm. When I craved relaxation, it subdued me and delivered a stupor that seemed enough like peace to satisfy me, temporarily.

Until I needed to drink again.

And then, one day, the drinking robbed me of everything – my job, my intimacy, my freedom, my achievements, my joy.  I did not know how fearful I could be, until alcohol made my life almost too frightening to live.  Viewed from the outside, I had a life that should have been, and at times was, an existence to envy.  I grew up in an upper middle class family – loving, supportive, ambitious and no more dysfunctional than most families – but I never felt that I really belonged, at home, at school, in the social circles in which my parents moved.   I remember feeling different from a very young age, and as early as kindergarten or first grade, I had convinced myself that I was on my own and needed to figure out the rules of this world.  I was an artistic kid but a terrible team athlete.  I loved sailing, water-skiing and swimming but could not play baseball, basketball or football to save my life.

I had dreams and passions that seemed always to get stifled for reasons I did not understand.  I was restless and dissatisfied with my life and felt I had to prove my worth to my family, my school, my community, my country and even to be an acceptable part of the world.  But being such a harsh critic of myself and having such unrealistic, perfectionistic goals were not the only pressures I faced.  By the time I graduated from high school, I had gone to 10 schools in 12 years, because my family moved so often as my father pursued his career. School changed almost yearly, leaving me to fend for myself for a sense of continuity and consistency. 

When I was in seventh grade, an incident occurred that prompted a major change in me.  I was in gym class, and we had been told to run eight laps around the track. By the time the other boys had completed the eight laps, I had finished only seven. It seemed pointless and humiliating for me to keep everyone waiting while I ran the 8^th lap, so I lied and told the coach that I had finished.  All the other guys immediately admonished me and condemned me. They called me a liar and a cheat – and I was.

That happened on a Friday. The following Monday, rather than confront the fear of facing my classmates, I pretended to be sick – and stayed home all week – hoping that they would all forget me and I would not have to face the consequences of what I had done. While I stayed home, I berated myself for being a disgrace and performing so unsuccessfully in my day to day living.

As an escape, I watched movies and retreated into fantasy. I dreamed I was like James Bond, leading a life of adventure and intrigue all over the world. The “fantasy me” knew the major cities of the world intimately and spoke several languages, and to keep the portrait alive, the “real me” memorized the maps of the capitals of Europe, Africa, Asia and South America. The “real me” studied the histories and the cultures of the world, learned to speak several languages and, as I got older, did everything possible to travel around the world – going to places in reality and, if not, then through movies, books and pen pals.

As a teenager, I resolved that I was going to become as close to the “fantasy me” as I could.  For the next six years of junior high school and high school, I “coped” with real challenges by escaping to my fantasy world whenever I felt frightened, unsatisfied or trapped.  When I started college, I was panic- stricken that I would not succeed and would never be worthy of anything.  However, during the next four years I was the Chief Justice of the Student Court, an honor student, involved in everything and, I thought, very happy.  After my freshman year, I realized that I had not had to retreat to my fantasy life because once I was away from my family and in college, I felt free to become my true self. I sought earnestly to study, work hard and do anything that would prepare me to become the man I had dreamed I could be. I graduated summa cum laude, gave the commencement address at my graduation and seemed on top of the world with a bright future. Notably, I had not started drinking heavily or frequently; I was meeting life on its own terms.

I took a year off between college and law school to study and teach English in Japan.  Once I got to Japan, however, I again was gripped with fear that I would be a failure; that I would not succeed – though I did not even really know what success would look like or be. I doubted myself and felt that I would never amount to anything.  It was there, in Japan, that I drank – a lot – in part to fit in with the habits of those around me.   After my year in Japan, I arrived at the University of Florida on a Sunday and started law school on a Monday.   Apart from a great culture shock, I experienced the now-usual panic of facing a new challenge, sparking familiar feeling of being a loser again, a failure and unworthy of contributing anything good.

Even so, I was accepted to clerk with a Japanese American law firm in Chicago.  I lived with my grandparents, and there I truly discovered the magic of alcohol.  Every day after work, I would come home and have cocktails with my grandparents.  My grandfather was a prominent lawyer in Chicago, Harvard-educated and a hero to me.  I would drink Scotch with him, talk about the law and enjoy the feeling of having finally arrived.  When I went back to law school, I stopped the daily drinking, but I sensed that alcohol had an unnatural power over me.

Still, I kept up an almost impossible pace in school.  I taught legal research and writing; I was elected to a national office as the Treasurer of the Association of International Law Societies, and I served as the Editor in Chief of the Florida International Law Journal. I also worked as the graduate intern in the International Student Center.  My longtime dreams all seemed within reach. I had wanted to become a successful international lawyer, and at the end of law school, I was hired by an international corporate firm in Chicago, earning one of the highest starting salaries in my class.

Once again, the familiar doubts and fear reappeared, despite my bringing in new clients, representing Japanese businesses and international companies in matters far above my skill and experience level.  Rather than take things on moderately, I learned to fake expertise well.  Key to my strategy was to drink heavily to manage self-doubt but carefully so as not to arouse concern among clients or colleagues.

However, I knew deep inside that I did not drink like normal people.  I often liked to drink alone and finally decided to try Alcoholics Anonymous.  That experience taught me that terrible things happened to alcoholics, and I concluded it was better not to associate with them or I would end up like them.  This particular form of denial went on for a few more years, and though it freed me to drink, it condemned me to isolation from a community that could have supported me, if I had been ready to face my alcoholism.

Beginning in 1988, I practiced law in Chicago for about 14 years, specializing mostly in business and corporate law but also handling a substantial amount of international law, real estate and immigration law.  I was a very competent lawyer during that time, but I was also an adept drinker, consuming scotch whiskey daily in the early years and switching to vodka and rum later.  By 2000, my drinking was affecting my work and my relationships, actually everything.  Alcohol had taken over my life, and I had to hide this from everyone.  I lied to my partner, I lied to my family, and I lied to my law partners and clients.  Soon I was lying about my work and started to falsify documents to match my lies.  In 2002, my deceit was uncovered and I was fired from my firm.

I spend the next year and a half drinking, trying to work as an investment banker and going in and out of detox and treatment.  I went to a 28 day treatment program in Chicago and felt good for the first time in years.  It was recommended that I go to a halfway house, but I was not willing to listen to the wisdom of others.  Overblown ego and arrogance are the hallmarks of good lawyers, but that was all I had left. I wanted to go home.  After leaving treatment and seeing the wreckage of my life, there seemed to be only one way to cope with it – keep drinking.  I was drunk again three days after treatment. I was sent back again for a week and then went to a halfway house, where I lasted two days and was kicked out for drinking. I simply was hopeless – my life seemed lost forever.

Finally, I was sent to treatment in St. Pete Beach, Florida, not far from where I had gone to college; there I got sober. I was in treatment 71 days and then began working at the treatment center. I concentrated on my recovery and had a good sponsor. We did a fourth and fifth step together on a cloudy day on the beach and were both crying in the end.  He said, “No wonder you could not stop drinking … but you never have to drink again.”

I said, “I may have to go to prison.”

He replied, “Then you will go sober.”

Suddenly the sun came out, and we both sat in marvel at the timing as rays of sunshine burst through the clouds.

Getting sober was not easy for me, as it has not been with most people – ego, fear, doubt, delusion and denial have been the hallmarks of my resistance to surrender.  But the very first thing that ever stuck in my mind and kept me from giving up completely was a phrase that my aunt, a recovering prescription drug addict, had told me back on Labor Day weekend in 1995: “Never Give Up Just Before the Miracle Happens.”

Years later, I heard an AA member comment that a priest told him that “Miracles in AA are commonplace! Commonplace!” So I have prayed for miracles, and I have remembered that for me “Life is a miracle.”

I wish I could say I lived happily ever after, but my story is real life, and alcoholism is a subtle, cunning foe that would have me dead.  After working in treatment for a year and a half, several difficult things happened, and I once again found myself hopeless and alone. I don’t remember the details, but I drove myself to the beach and started drinking in my car. I passed out and was awakened by the police and arrested for DUI.  (Until then, a DUI was the only thing that had not happened to me as a result of my drinking.)  Even so, the treatment center I was working for wanted to keep me on staff and sent me to its center in Laguna Beach, California. I sobered up.  Again.

The last weekend of April 2006, I attended an AA convention called “Miracles Happen.” I was profoundly moved by it and prayed for a miracle.  About 20 minutes later, I received a call on my cell phone from an old law partner in Chicago.  The Chicago Tribune had an article in it that I had been indicted for document fraud. I flew to Chicago and pled not guilty.  Once again, I was so full of fear and doubt – I was hopeless.  I drank on a rampage and was near death several times. I was facing years in federal prison.

Finally, I did what so many of us do.  I crawled out of bed shaking, in pain and begged, begged God to help me.  I always believed in God, but I never believed He cared if I drank.  I promised I would do anything as long as I could be shown it was worth it, in other words, as long as there was hope.  I learned that night that hope does not abandon us, we abandon it. I woke up the next day feeling much better than I anticipated and had surrendered to my fate.  For the first time, trusting in whatever outcome would come and still hoping for the miracle that I had prayed for.  I wanted the miracle to be that I was miraculously exonerated.

God had other plans.

I was sentenced to 24 months in federal prison.  I felt that God was with me and though I still hated the idea of prison, I felt hope for the first time. It was a hope borne out of nothing but being sober and believing that a power greater than me could restore me to sanity. I arrived at the Pensacola federal prison camp, was strip-searched, had everything taken away and was put into the population.

Every morning I would wake up at 5:00 a.m. and go out to the weight pile to lift weights.  Every morning I prayed that I would get a miracle that would allow me to escape my circumstances, but after about two weeks, I just prayed for a sign that God was still with me.  That evening, I was told that I had been accepted to the Drug and Alcohol Program which would get me out in nine months.

Now, this is hard to say, but after praying for weeks and weeks for the answer to the question, “Why, why did I have to go through all this?”, the answer that came to me was that I needed to spend some time in the worst and most unimaginable place to know that God will always be with me and will always protect me in all times until the moment I am taken from this life.  Now, I don’t know how that came into my heart and mind, but from that moment, I totally surrendered to who I was, and to where I was, and from that moment, I have been trying to be the best that I can be.  I realized that when I surrendered to who I really was, I became the person I always wanted to be.

In undergraduate school I had been selected by the graduating class to give the closing speech at graduation.  That was in 1984. In 2008, I was again chosen by the graduating class of another educational institution to give the closing speech at graduation – but this one was in a federal prison camp. When my group finished the Drug and Alcohol Program and I spoke before the other 90 inmates and 25 staff, it meant more to me than the speech I had given at my college graduation 24 years earlier.

Since then, I have been asked to come back to organize AA and NA meetings at the federal halfway house and lead a group every Monday night. I have worked at a law firm, stayed active in AA with my sponsor, have sponsored others and helped out in various service positions. I started running and have run several marathons, over 50 half marathons, 30 5K, 10k, and 15k races, and numerous Olympic distance triathlons – all this from a man who as a boy had lied to cover up his less-than-perfect ability to run.

Ever since I first become sober, I had wondered why it took so long for me, how I could prevent others from going through what I put myself through, and how to provide better, more effective treatment.  In 2011, I started Absolute Adventure Radical Recovery for Interventions and Addictions treatment with virtually no money. I became certified in Florida as an Addiction Specialist and became a board-registered Interventionist.

When I returned to freedom I believed that I could make a difference and began doing interventions all over the USA.  No one yet has thought of an excuse that I did not use at one point or another not to get sober.  Over 100 interventions from 16 year old crystal meth addicts to 78 year old alcoholics to 44 year old prescription pill addicts, I have not lost an intervention yet.

My belief in better things to come will never die.  I remember each day that some of the best days in my life and the lives of other have not happened yet.  Also, some of the worst days turn out to become of the best days in hindsight.  It is never too late for a new dream or a new plan.  

Today, life can be difficult, but I always have hope – and the sure promise of a sober and serene tomorrow, as long as I have a program to work with faith and discipline. No challenge is too great, no fear too overwhelming. I believe, truly believe, the first thing I ever heard in recovery – “Don’t give up just before the miracle happens.”